I am not writing this on my computer so I going to apologise for my English or spelling as I don’t have my software installed to check my writing. I keep apologising for my English but really I seen a lot worse than mine, anyway I feel it is time to write a few more thoughts down. Things are changing a little more at home. I want to record my life in a blog much more than I do but it is really hard as times I really want to write something I am in such a state I can barely look after myself. By the time I have recovered enough to write anything down the moment has passed and I don’t feel the point of writing stuff. This makes it really hard for me to know where to start when filling you all in with latest things.  

I guess best place to start is I have now been given a start date to return to work, this will be next Tuesday the 13^th September. I have had a return back to work meeting yesterday and attended a staff meeting which was good. The next month or so I have been told just to observe other staff and not get involved with anything until an OT assessment has been done. I am still struggling a little with my mobility getting out my wheelchair has been hard work. It has been 2 years since I have used it within my work place. I can really only us it when I am out and about shopping, I think I am coping ok.

My back is hurting a lot because I can’t walk straight, it places a great strain on my back.  I had a call the other day from a company who said they would offer me free massage treatment. They wanted to come to my house. I wasn’t sure and I hate to say no to people. Anyway they turned up and I explained that I didn’t have any money and that I was having problems at work so finance is very difficult for me at the moment. The lady didn’t take any notice. She went on for 3 hours on how this treatment would help me both at work and at home. Basically she was trying to sell me a massage chair costing £5000. I was getting really worked up and even with her giving me a massage my pain killers where wearing off and I just wanted her to go. I could hear all my friends in my head saying “No! Mark don’t sign anything, you can’t afford it” I knew this was true. I was also really desperate for my back pain to stop, it was like she was offering me a life line to make it all better. Of course I didn’t know if this so called wonder chair would benefit me at all. All I knew was I wanted her to stop trying to selling me it.

I had a brainwave! I knew I had identity protection insurance that notifies me if anyone gets finance in my name or does a credit check would block it. I was thinking that any finance agreement would have been refused by them therefore if she phone them it would be refused. To my horror it went through.  I was like “oh crap, now what should I do?” I didn’t really feel that I had a choice but to sign the agreement and keep her happy. I was really tired by now and needed to eat and take my medication.  After she had gone I broke down crying, I was really upset with myself that I couldn’t stand up for myself and say no. It is not that hard to say no is it? I was also facing the future that I now had this £5000 chair to pay for. I know it’s very unlikely I could afford it. I didn’t know what to do. What also frustrated me is I don’t know where she got my information from and she knew I suffered back pain from a survey I completed. She wasn’t able to tell me who gave them this information only that I was on a database.

Reading my tweets on twitter Scope contacted me to offer me some support and advice. They were very good and listen to me. I was a little worried, I was still quite upset about it all and that I have let myself down. The lady from Scope told me not to be too hard on myself as it could happen to everyone and that I could easy cancel the agreement. These people are sales people and they will be pushy for a sale, it is how they get paid.  I felt a little better but also felt a little disappointed that I knew I wouldn’t be getting this massage chair and that I just have to carry on with dealing with my back pain. Scope again has been very helpful again with this as I have been struggling at work they have been supporting me with returning to my current job. I have been off work now for 4 months because my employer refuses to believe that I could do anything within my job safely. A Scope representative came with me to a medical assessment last month who passed me fit for work and could not see any reason why I shouldn’t be allowed to do some of the tasks at my job. Scope agreed and they have already have done an observation and report on me that got handed to my employer who came to the conclusion after reading it that I am not fit to work and signed me off sick refusing me to come back into work. Scope has been helping me go through a grievance. I am glad to be allow to return to work, there is still a long way to go but I am hoping that I will either find another job or things improve within my current job. Either way I am really glad I have the support of Scope behind me.

I have had Cerebral Palsy all my life and I don’t think I have ever experience such hostel attitudes towards me. It seems that people think that disabled people have loads of money and that can afford anything. The sales person for the chair was questioning me about couldn’t I use my benefits to pay for the chair. When I told her I work she said well, you still get DLA don’t you? I said yes but that goes towards paying for my mobility car and cost of petrol.  I also hate the way my employer seems to think they can cut my wages and I can just go on benefits. I don’t know where this attitude has come from. I don’t get any more help than anyone else does. Just because I am disabled I cannot afford expensive things, in fact I cannot afford much at the moment.