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I must stop writing blogs and not posting them, the problem  I have is a write these as I think in my head and when it comes to reading it back to myself they don’t make any sense. I then have to spend the next 3 hours re-correcting my spellings and grammar.  Another problem I have is keeping on topic, so for this blog I going to be very specific.  The topic will be my ability to work.

Growing up I never questioned whether or not I would get a full time job. It went without saying that I would. I maybe disabled by there is no reason why I shouldn’t work, it’s something I always believed in. at school I always wanted to be an electrician. I love electronics and had a good understanding of how it all worked. I did a two week work experience with a Firm in Godalming surrey and really loved it. The electricians all said I worked really  hard. I know then this was the job I wanted to do. I remember working with one guy who drove a Toyota Supra 3.0i and I said to myself, wow! that’s the car I want when I get older. The money as an electrician is good and I really enjoyed it. Being disabled presented its difficulties my hand coordination was pants and I used to dribble a lot then also. Concerns for everyone else apart from me I know water and electrics don’t mix but from an early age I have had enough electric shocks they didn’t bother me. Having this disregard for my own health and safety has been a problem with my employment from the word go. I would never put anyone else in danger but my own safety is something which I have learnt over the years that I need just that little more extra caution around me and I be fine.

It did turn out that employers found my mobility and dribbling around electronics a problem and after completing my certification and doing another 3 month work experience placement for a company in Carshaltion it was felt by the college I was at and the companies that maybe I wouldn’t be safe doing these jobs. Not that I ever had an accident mind you, just they didn’t want to take the risks I was taking. Realising this I knew I had to find a job that I was able to do where no one would be watching me therefore I could take these risks without anyone knowing. Lucky for me my uncle knew of my abilities and offered me a job working for a massive national computer network company.  I worked there for 8 years and really enjoyed it. Times where hard and I was constantly trying to prove myself to the other engineers that I could do stuff. There was never any question I had the knowledge but my ability and safety to do the job was under question a lot. Most times I was able to put these questions to one side. Sometimes they were just plain silly. I had a number of complaints from customers who said they thought I was stupid because of the way I looked and spoke but on a whole the company where very supportive. Things got a little worse when my uncle left, some bosses I had where better than others but I always had backing of the other engineers. Sadly for me the company went bust leaving me redundant.

Up to this point I never questioned my disability I knew there were things I found difficult but on a whole I just wanted to be treated like everyone else. I was finding getting another job hard. I did a course in social care and found a job working with deaf people with learning disabilities. I was finding this even harder than I was working with electronics and had to leave after 3 years.  Coming to terms people where not giving me a job because I was disabled is something I found hard to deal with. After all everyone was finding it hard to get a job. The fact I was disabled was and should never be a reason for an employer not to give me a chance.

Facing these facts was brought home to me when I attended Portland College for the disabled. There were much more able and just as clever students there who couldn’t get work, so what chance did I have?  One lesson I did learn at Portland College is being allow to disregard my own health and safety was not a clever thing to do, the college had no regard for my safety. With my eagerness to prove myself I had a number of accidents putting myself in hospital a few times and in a wheelchair for over a year. Realizing that I really was disabled now I had for the first time in my life had to claim benefits and applied to get disability living allowance, to my shock I was turned down. In the meantime I lost my flat because I couldn’t pay my mortgage.

It took me a long time to get my confidence back. I felt worthless and I had no job no home to go back to when I finished my college course. Just when I thought there was no way out the college offered me a job as a Learning support assistant. I was over the moon! I knew I could achieve more but it was a start. I found myself a new career in teaching.  I went on to do my teacher training and got fantastic support from West Nottingham College to obtain my qualification. Bloody Awesome, I was thinking, I done it!  Portland College helped me achieve my English and maths exams I was well on the road to becoming something worth living for. I replied for Disability Living allowance and tax credits and achieved them. There was just one drawback was my job was funded by the DWP to help disabled people get back into work. The government decided that residential colleges like Portland were not working therefore cut funding to the college and my job was made redundant. A BIG bollocks springs to mind! What was I going to do?  I tried a number of jobs around the college without much luck. My deafness was proving too much of a problem and I didn’t have the right communication aids to help me communicate with the other students.  

My confidence was plummeting rapidly my relationship with my girlfriend was at breaking point. I needed to find another job and fast. Thinking that this would give me the chance to move closer to my girlfriend in Worcester I apply to every school and council within Worcestershire. Every time I was facing the same barriers if I said I was a wheelchair user companies wouldn’t give me an interview and if I didn’t tell them there would be concerns for my health and safety.  I was just ready to give up. My Girlfriend had left me because I couldn’t move to Worcester and I ended up having to move back to my parents in Sussex. Talk about hit rock bottom!

I found a company which I have had contact with before when I used to work with adults who are deaf and having learning difficulties. They had a job for a life skills advisor. I went for an interview they were pleased with  my knowledge on deaf issues but felt that I was lacking experience and had concerns over my health so only offered me a job as a life skills assistant. Things were going ok at first. I found communication hard as no one was telling me anything and just expected me to know how things worked there. Things didn’t really become a problem until someone found out that I spent most my working time in a wheelchair within my old job. Questions were asked why I didn’t tell them in the interview and I was dismissed on the grounds of health and safety. A medical was done again and my hours reduced from 37 and half to 22 and half hours a week and was allowed to return back to work This affected me both mentally and financially. I felt the company have lost all confidence in my ability to do the job and now are questioning everything I do. I have gone back to square one again. I know I can do the job and when I am left alone I do the job well.  I have been suspended again on the grounds that my mental state is getting worse and they are having concerns I am not taking my health and safety seriously. What is so bloody frustrating for me is that I am going to have accidents I can’t help it. We all take risks. I accept those risks as the benefits I can give back to my employer is worth it. Rather than just say no to me it would be nice if they just allowed me to get on and make my own adjustments.  I am pretty sure I going to lose this job the same happen when I worked within social care before. Another thing which is frustrating is they keep telling me they are not like other companies and support people with disabilities into work. I only have one word to say to that Bollocks!

This is the second time I have tried to work within social care and failed. I know I have the knowledge as for the first few months working within this company they didn’t have a problem it was only when they found out I was a wheelchair user they had concerns. I have been suspend now for nearly two months now on sick leave which I think is wrong as I am not sick I am disabled . I only wanted two days off to get over a personal disappointment and its left me jobless. I am looking around for work with computers again but I am not holding out much hope. My worry is how much of my disability do I tell future employers? Too much and they say no. not enough and they find out later and I end up in the same mess I am in now. What is really wrong is I have no wish to put my health and safety at risk. The risks I take may look worse than others but I know my own limits and have learnt my lesson not too push myself beyond those limits. All I ask is I have a job that is flexible enough to allow me adjust those limits on a daily or even hourly basis.

One thing I have recognised is that by doing a voluntary job the adjustments are possible I probably work harder within my voluntary jobs and do more because I am allowed to make these adjustments whereas paid employment doesn’t allow this.