Thought I would write a little bit on a report done by Scope this week regarding attitudes towards disabled people. I also wanted to comment on my own views on radio interview I done for Radio 5 Live on Thursday morning. I am not 100 percent sure that I am helping matters with writing this. I get so much negative response from people regarding my own views on how I get treated, as a disabled person am I only fuelling the topic?

I was trying to think this morning just when did my disability become a problem?  I was born with Cerebral Palsy so the challenges I have faced as a child and growing up as made me the person I am now. Its only really recently that these impairments have become a problem for others to accept. I have had issues in the pass with employment but it has never come to the extent that I have been told that I am not wanted within the work place. Most pass employers have always been very accepting on my disability and found it has been a benefit to my work. 

I have always done what has been asked of me. I have never used my disability to say that I can’t do anything. I will always give things a try, sometimes they don’t work out but until recently people have always been pleased I given it a try. Now when I try anything I just get abused and get told that I am stupid and get laughed at, worse still I get told off from work for even trying.  This has knocked my confidence to go out and now I am very nervous trying new things. I also am getting nervous trying things that I know that in the pass that I have been able to do. 

For example I used to enjoy going into London the buzz of so many people going on with their daily business used to give me a sense of excitement. I was able to just go on with my daily tasks either within work or social events when going into London and not to worry about that I am inconveniencing anyone else. Now it’s just an onslaught off attacks and target of abuse. This can be anything from being quested why am I parking in a disabled parking bay and being looked at and people checking to see if I get a wheelchair or walking sticks out the back of my car. To being looked at in funny way for asking for a seat on a bus. The times that I have found this hardest is when I get told to wait for next bus or train as there just isn’t room or someone doesn’t want to give up their seat for me. On top of all this I have a hearing loss and holding a conversation with someone is very hard. People are not very patient with me and will often not look at me when talking to me.  I was told off the other day for jumping the queue, when I explained I was disabled and standing in queue is hard for me plus I have a hearing loss so it’s difficult for me to know who is calling for next customer .I got told that is no excuse to jump the queue and if I can’t stand for long time then I should be in a wheelchair so people would know I am disabled. I find that my wheelchair can be more disabling as I need to keep moving or I will seize up and quickly lose the ability to walk. I also find with the shops being so busy people do not get out the way for me and shopping takes 5 times longer as I have to wait for everyone else to finish before I can get pass if I am in my wheelchair. 

Not being the time to complete tasks is my number one issue within work at the moment.  Going back to the topic of getting into London I have been asked to attend a meeting in north London. I have been asked to attend the meeting starting at 9:30 which means I need to really plan to get their for around 9:00. I have tried to do this on a Tube before and it’s been next to impossible leaving me in so much pain the next day I had to take a day off work. I also then got told off for this, as I was then unable to carry on with my daily tasks. I have tried to get into London by car but this takes so long it means it becomes a very long day for me and I have the added pressure that I need to remain safe within the car and aware of other road users. Another additional problem is my employer has said they will not allow me to go into London unless I take other people from work in the car that means I have to start even earlier. The whole attitude that my disability is causing them a problem just makes me want to take the day off sick so I don’t need to attend the meetings.  If I try and attempt getting into London again on the tube it means the hassle of trying to make sure I can remain safe and not get lost if there are changes to trains etc. again my hearing loss presents a problem with this. When asking its really hard for me to follow people. I try and rely on my phone for information using different apps but this doesn’t work on the tube leaving me very isolated.  Scope where working with my employer to help me within my work and offered to find out about a buddy system for me at work. This would allow someone to come with me and help me with my confidence and sort out any problems like finding somewhere to sit down on tube or asking for help, this was rejected by my employer saying that they may as well employ my work buddy to do my job.  This attitude has left me feeling I need to hide my disability as much as possible from my employer. 

Hiding my disability from public view presents more problems. I have ditched my walking sticks and started to use a back brace to support myself when walking. this is a little harder for me but it keeps my pain levels down when I get home in the evening. the problems it presents is now when I get out of my car after parking in a disabled parking bay people can not see me as being a disabled person and I have found I get questioned more. I am worried that I going to get reported to the DWP as they have me registered as wheelchair user and its often now I can not use it when I am out. it means I am now in constant pain but this is hard for people to see. I Really do struggle to get out of my car if I can not open the doors completely open. by not using my walking sticks or wheelchair people judge me as been a benefit cheat and not entitled to use a mobility car. if I use my wheelchair or sticks the abuse just carries on both from the public and my work and I am stopped from doing things that I know I can do just given a little more time. 

Download | Duration: 00:05:38

Download | Duration: 00:08:32

Barriers to Communication

Someone recently asked me what are the barriers to communication? Well I going to knock myself out and tell you just what barriers I face and how they affect me on a personal level. I may also touch on other barriers that don’t affect me but I can see causing a problem for those I work with.

Communication has always been my biggest barrier in life and one that I have struggled to overcome since a little boy with no speech. Growing up I found that speech is only one part of the barrier and really hasn’t been the hardest to overcome. Most of what we say is total rubbish anyway and I have communicated better with people around me without the use of speech. Before I move on to methods I use as my communication I thought it would be good to touch onto the barriers with speech.

Speech and the spoken language! The real problem with speech is the speed it works at, there is no delay or time to correct what you have said. Once you have opened your mouth and started to speak a word, you have already expressed so much information. Someone like me who has a problem with speech this becomes even more difficult. Take a simple word that most would open a dialog with another person, “hello” first barrier for me is remembering to swallow so I don’t end up choking on my own saliva when I open my mouth, worse still end up dribbling what saliva down the front of me that will portray a whole different message to the person I am saying hello to. The next barrier is just how I say the word. Tone, pitch and volume are all concepts that having a hearing loss are alien to me. Most people say that I have a London accent but understanding accents and how people talk is another barrier I do not understand. When do you say “Hello” and why, does the person really want to make conversation with me and if so why? Should I reply with a hello back, what do I say next? Should I ask “how are you?” you get the picture. The spoken language has a whole set of rules that are very different depending on who you are with, where and when. I could write a whole book on the barriers that I face on speech alone but I am sure there are 100 of books out there on this topic. All I know is sometimes it’s really too much effort and is hard and complex form of communication to manage within the spilt second you open your mouth.

Written language, there are many forms of written language and I am aware that I have not touch on many other barriers of communication before talking about this subject. The reason why I have jumped from speech to written is because it’s the most common two forms of communication that people understand but is far the most common two used. For example the biggest use of communication I use is silence. The amount of times I have done nothing to portray a message across is much more than any other form of communication I use and is much more effective than trying something else. The biggest barrier to me for me and most people with the written language is spelling and grammar. Just how do we construct a sentence? What words do we use? How do we put them together? There is also the other greatest barrier with the written language that is the ability and time to read it. If you have got this far within reading this passage on communication you are doing well. I am one who likes to write as I find it gives me time to express my ideas and thoughts onto paper. I also feel it can be the most effective form of communication. You only have to ask William Shakespeare that!

Another barrier with written text is speed of trying to turn it into spoken word. In my experience this has never worked. AAC devices are great for expressing your needs and wants but that is pretty much about all. Having a conversation via an AAC device is next to impossible to do. The speed which one can input text and translate that to speech is far too slow. This is something I have noticed being chairman of a charity that supports children with AAC devices is becoming easier with new technology but still has a long way to go before it can replace speech. There is also the biggest barrier with the written form of communication that is the ability to read it. There are so many people today that are unable to read this is why most of my blogs and emails I send in audio format as well. The age of texting (SMS) messages has made this worse in my view as people have tried to cram in too much within a text message and information gets lost along the way.  Text messages have opened up a whole new world allowing us to communicate on a much more equal level but presents a whole new set of rules and barriers within its own way.

With just touching on those two topics of communication I want to highlight a few more barriers. Some are linked to what I have just written so sorry if I repeat myself. As I have said I have a hearing loss and this presents a problem. People can’t see deafness or the understanding just how confusing it is for me and others to have to try and process the sounds we have heard into a sentence, and then translate that into a reply. Even those who know me best and have a great understanding of deafness I found to be the worse to construct sentences that I will be able to understand at the correct pitch, volume and tone. Putting too much into a sentence leaves me confused and having to ask again as I am still trying to process the first part of the speech before being able to process the second part. It’s not that I haven’t heard them just I cannot concentrate that long to take in all the information, like I have said speech is a complex language structure and having the ability to understand that when you have a hearing loss just makes it so much harder. There are many factors that can affect this. The environment is the main one for me. This is the case for most people with a hearing loss or not. Try and listen to a conversation when you have a lot of background noise or lots going on around you, It’s very difficult.

This brings me onto a form of communication I have found to be fairly affective for me but presents so many barriers it not as good as it could be. That is the ability to use sign language. Sign Language is very expressive and personally I feel has a much simpler grammar structure to it than spoken or written language. The barriers become known when there is no one who can sign around you. The ability to form the hand shapes for you to form the complex signs. My motor skills are very poor I prefer to watch sign language more than sign myself as it gives me a much simpler view to what has been said to me. There is also the normal barriers of having the ability to see the person also understanding their own ability to sign. Unless you get a professional interpreter sometimes it’s very hard to follow someone who is using sign language as mistakes are common.  The other part of using sign language over other forms of communication is the heighten awareness of gesture and facial expression.

Body language is one of the most true forms of communication I find as people say so much with their bodies and don’t even realize it. This presents a whole new barrier as it is very confusing to see someone say one thing and then say a different thing with their body. People often lie with what they say but find it very hard to lie with their body and facial expressions give it away. I use this a lot but it leaves me feeling confused and isolated as I don’t know if what I have heard is what the person is saying are the same thing. 90% of my work is working with people who have little or no verbal speech and little or no hearing. Not having the ability to understand grammar and English they us gesture and facial expressions to communicate their needs and wants. I have found my best conversations have been with these people who use this form of communication that demonstrates to me the more complex you make communication the less affective it becomes..

I am not writing this on my computer so I going to apologise for my English or spelling as I don’t have my software installed to check my writing. I keep apologising for my English but really I seen a lot worse than mine, anyway I feel it is time to write a few more thoughts down. Things are changing a little more at home. I want to record my life in a blog much more than I do but it is really hard as times I really want to write something I am in such a state I can barely look after myself. By the time I have recovered enough to write anything down the moment has passed and I don’t feel the point of writing stuff. This makes it really hard for me to know where to start when filling you all in with latest things.  

I guess best place to start is I have now been given a start date to return to work, this will be next Tuesday the 13^th September. I have had a return back to work meeting yesterday and attended a staff meeting which was good. The next month or so I have been told just to observe other staff and not get involved with anything until an OT assessment has been done. I am still struggling a little with my mobility getting out my wheelchair has been hard work. It has been 2 years since I have used it within my work place. I can really only us it when I am out and about shopping, I think I am coping ok.

My back is hurting a lot because I can’t walk straight, it places a great strain on my back.  I had a call the other day from a company who said they would offer me free massage treatment. They wanted to come to my house. I wasn’t sure and I hate to say no to people. Anyway they turned up and I explained that I didn’t have any money and that I was having problems at work so finance is very difficult for me at the moment. The lady didn’t take any notice. She went on for 3 hours on how this treatment would help me both at work and at home. Basically she was trying to sell me a massage chair costing £5000. I was getting really worked up and even with her giving me a massage my pain killers where wearing off and I just wanted her to go. I could hear all my friends in my head saying “No! Mark don’t sign anything, you can’t afford it” I knew this was true. I was also really desperate for my back pain to stop, it was like she was offering me a life line to make it all better. Of course I didn’t know if this so called wonder chair would benefit me at all. All I knew was I wanted her to stop trying to selling me it.

I had a brainwave! I knew I had identity protection insurance that notifies me if anyone gets finance in my name or does a credit check would block it. I was thinking that any finance agreement would have been refused by them therefore if she phone them it would be refused. To my horror it went through.  I was like “oh crap, now what should I do?” I didn’t really feel that I had a choice but to sign the agreement and keep her happy. I was really tired by now and needed to eat and take my medication.  After she had gone I broke down crying, I was really upset with myself that I couldn’t stand up for myself and say no. It is not that hard to say no is it? I was also facing the future that I now had this £5000 chair to pay for. I know it’s very unlikely I could afford it. I didn’t know what to do. What also frustrated me is I don’t know where she got my information from and she knew I suffered back pain from a survey I completed. She wasn’t able to tell me who gave them this information only that I was on a database.

Reading my tweets on twitter Scope contacted me to offer me some support and advice. They were very good and listen to me. I was a little worried, I was still quite upset about it all and that I have let myself down. The lady from Scope told me not to be too hard on myself as it could happen to everyone and that I could easy cancel the agreement. These people are sales people and they will be pushy for a sale, it is how they get paid.  I felt a little better but also felt a little disappointed that I knew I wouldn’t be getting this massage chair and that I just have to carry on with dealing with my back pain. Scope again has been very helpful again with this as I have been struggling at work they have been supporting me with returning to my current job. I have been off work now for 4 months because my employer refuses to believe that I could do anything within my job safely. A Scope representative came with me to a medical assessment last month who passed me fit for work and could not see any reason why I shouldn’t be allowed to do some of the tasks at my job. Scope agreed and they have already have done an observation and report on me that got handed to my employer who came to the conclusion after reading it that I am not fit to work and signed me off sick refusing me to come back into work. Scope has been helping me go through a grievance. I am glad to be allow to return to work, there is still a long way to go but I am hoping that I will either find another job or things improve within my current job. Either way I am really glad I have the support of Scope behind me.

I have had Cerebral Palsy all my life and I don’t think I have ever experience such hostel attitudes towards me. It seems that people think that disabled people have loads of money and that can afford anything. The sales person for the chair was questioning me about couldn’t I use my benefits to pay for the chair. When I told her I work she said well, you still get DLA don’t you? I said yes but that goes towards paying for my mobility car and cost of petrol.  I also hate the way my employer seems to think they can cut my wages and I can just go on benefits. I don’t know where this attitude has come from. I don’t get any more help than anyone else does. Just because I am disabled I cannot afford expensive things, in fact I cannot afford much at the moment. 

Download | Duration: 00:07:48

I am sat in front of my computer wondering just how I going to word this. I was hoping after a nights sleep things would be clearer this morning but after more disappointing news through the post this morning it’s just sent me into a deeper depression. I swear its becoming harder to be a employed disabled person these days. I really do feel for those who are disabled and trying to find work as this doesn’t come to good news for you. My disability allows me to pretty much do anything without anyone noticing that I am disabled, Sure people look at me and they think there is something not quite right about me but on a whole I can walk, talk and do stuff that any other person can do, if not more. So being told you can’t do a job because you are disabled it is really hard for me to accept. This is more so when every medical practitioner say’s I am able to work. I have no problem with being written off by DWP as unable to work, but that never going to happen! I can even handle with being called a benefit cheat by those who don’t understand my disability. What really is bugging me is being court in the middle. I have no desire to do a job that I find frustrating and tiring. We would all love to do jobs that we enjoy doing, I can do my job and do it fairly well, not because I have been to college and learnt all about it, no. I can do my job because I spent most my life within the social care system. I know as a service user how it feels to have to ask for help from a personal assistant or social worker. These are qualities I think are the most important within my role as a social worker/life skills coach. Its just a shame my employer doesn’t think so! 

I had my first paid job in social care 11 years ago after losing my job as an engineer. I enjoyed working with liked minded people who were deaf and had other impairments. My sign language skills are not great due to my own Cerebral Palsy but I was able to make myself understood by most people, some people even thought I was profoundly deaf because of my style of signing. I left that job after 3 years because of differences between myself and my manager, I should have stuck it out but she was making it very impossible for me to do my job and standing up for the rights of disabled people. The real question comes is why did I return to social care work 2 years ago when I knew that I was not accepted within that field of work in the first place? You maybe thinking the same as me, not all companies are the same. It did seem like this when I joined my current job. I even told them why I left the last job in social care, they agreed and said “oh we don’t work like that, we are much more client centred” this sentence is the biggest load of bull shit I have ever heard in my life. A few times I have seen it work within my job over the last 2 years but more or often its just how can we get the service user to do what we want to do. it goes against everything I believe forcing a person to do what they don’t want to do. this has lead me into a few mistakes. One primary one really. that was allowing a service user to go out without his walking aid. I not going to go into details but it is this which now my employer is using against me. They are saying I am mentally unable to make choices and will willingly put myself and others at risk by going out the house and trying to do a job I am unable to do. After telling my employer about this incident I really wished they did go through the disciplinary process but they did not feel at the time for some reason the need too, however ever since have been bashing me over the head with it.

My employer seem to have it in there head that I am reckless and have no regard for my safety and the safety of those around me, this is more so the case when it comes to my safety. I have a good awareness of my abilities and sometimes I will go into work without my walking sticks because I feel that they disabled me in other ways and when I don’t need them why carry them? This translates to my employer I am putting myself at risk. I am more than able to walk and I DON’T need to use my wheelchair unless I have totally over done it and want to rule out every chance of falling over. Before anyone say’s “why can’t I do my job from a wheelchair?” I just can’t ok, there are just some jobs that are impossible to do and this is one of them. OK it could be possible but it would require a serious amount of support from my employer, something they are clearly not able to do. I have taken ever step to take control of my own health and safety within work but they will not let me. I am really close to just giving up. My relationship with my managers is very weak and they are very aggressive towards me.

Last week I got really fed up being off work now for 4 months I launched a grievance with my employer. There where 3 points within the Grievance.

Here are the short versions of my grievance

1 ) After taking 2 days off sick to get over the disappointment of losing my flying scholarship as well re-build up my energy levels is not unreasonable request and I should not have to get a doctors certificate to say that my depression and that my medication is not making it unsafe for me to drive..

 

2) that I should not be asked to obtain a sickness note from my doctor until an OT assessment is carried out to prove whether or not my disability is making me ill. In short I am disabled not sick.

3) It is unfair to ask me to return to work on my first day without any transition back to work also for an OT assessment to be carried out on the same day on reduced pay.

On all 3 accounts my employer feels they are unjustified. My solicitor has said it would be hard for me to appeal against  the first 2, but I am likely to be able to appeal against the 3^rd. what is really strange is even though they feel that I was unjustified to launch this grievance on point 3 they have said they will allow me to return to work on a transition period on full pay as a good will jester.

Where does this leave me now? I can hardly appeal against the 3^rd point of my grievance if they have backed down. What does puzzle me is why are they making me feel like the bad person for launching an unjustified grievance, and then backing down later in the report?

I also have the outstanding issue they do not trust me to work with service users. They haven’t set a date for me to return and I have no idea just how this OT assessment is going to work. What I find a little ironic is that this all started from now a distant memory of not achieving a flying scholarship and now I have ended up more depressed by the situation.

There is one thing I have learnt by this process honestly is NOT the best policy. I really wish I haven’t told either my doctor or my employer how I felt about how much the flying scholarship meant to me. What I am also likely to do is never to tell them just how much my disability can effect me. Reason for this is that I can’t see just how by telling them it has helped me? My depression is much worse than it was, I have very little confidence I will be able to convince my employer I can do this job safely now. What I don’t really want to do is move and have to start all over again. I did that when I took a break from social care last time and moved to Nottingham, we all know just how much that helped my career, zero! The only thing I got from going to Nottingham was the friends I made, which was worth it I guess but do I want to do that again? I go back to my earlier statement, “am I giving up too easy?”

Download | Duration: 00:04:58

Well, I guess it is that time again to get some of these ideas in my head down on paper, in the hope they make a little more sense. I find this quite hard to do as I don’t really like any of the choices I have available to me so picking the right choice is hard work and quite exhausting. One thing I have learnt over the last few months being off work is I need company. I really don’t like spending hours and hours on my own at home. It is made worse by not knowing whether I will be able to return to work. I have no idea just how much money I need to save. The cut in my wages is now eating into my savings and more or likely I am going to lose my caravan next year that  I dearly love because I will not be able to pay the ground rent. The caravan was the last ascent I have left and after that I have nothing. It is the only place truly accessible to me as I was not able to get an accessible flat where I am currently living.

The fear of losing the caravan is one that gives me nightmares and not having a place I can go and relax fills me with dread. If I am going to have to face the fact its gone and I need to accept this the question I ask myself where do I live? I know I can not manage on my own at home and I have zero support around me. Unless its an hospital appointment or I am seriously ill my family are normally no where to be seen. I have really learnt the importance of family the last week being surrounded by a loving family and a sense of belonging, respect and looking out for each other. It was quite refreshing to see that family values still excess. This has opened up a few idea’s in my head which I am unable to process. The first being the most difficult for me to come to terms with as it doesn’t match with my understand of life. This being the first time since leaving school the only time I have felt part of any family is the family of god and the church. Religion is a hard one for me to accept as for me it isn’t about what I can benefit from it but what I can do to give to others. Every time I listen to someone talk about religion they talk about how as human beings we never achieve enough to make god happy and we must do more. It talks about how we are not worthy to receive god because we are all sinners and any man who denies that is a liar.  I first joined a church because I wanted to give back to the community but now I have given everything I have I feel that I been left to defend for myself. I fear that I have grown to resend giving so much of myself away to others. This leaves me feeling confused and upset as I know I do things out the goodness of my own heart and I never expected any thanks for doing them, so why does it leave me feeling rejected by god’s church? 

Another thing that leaves me feeling confused and unable to compute is just where do I belong? Every time I turn a corner I get walls and barriers put up in the way. This is more so with work, I really hate feeling that I am unwanted, I know I can do my job and give a real sense of achievement to those who I work for. I know I am not stupid and the little knowledge I have I can pass on to those who I help. I may get stuck along the way sometimes and I beg for help but instead I just get told to go away. Dealing with  this on top of my own disabilities is making it next to impossible to understand my options.

Dealing with my disability. In the pass I have always rejected my disability and never even considered it would stop me from doing anything, after all why should it? Its not a problem for me so why should it be a problem for others. Being around people who do not know my disability or consider it to be a problem the last few days makes me think that I don’t need to make adjustments for it just because someone tells me that I have too. As a child every time I said I couldn’t do something because of my disability I got a good kick up the back side and told to just get on with it. I finding this transition really hard to deal with because there is no one there to help me.

Where does this leave me now? A very good question! I could just get up and leave my current job which is going down the drain much quicker than I expected, But where would I go? Is there a much better place for me. A community that would accept a hard working not so young man? Is this running away from my problems? I thought long and hard before I moved to Nottingham 7 years ago, did I give up too easy by moving back to Surrey. Would things change if I did it again and move some where else? I am so desperate to move somewhere  or anywhere am I giving up too easy on what I have here at the moment? I am not sure that I am accepting my responsibilities, do my work have a point? Am I thinking I am better than I really am? I have lost a lot of confidence the last few months and I don’t believe there is much I can do without facing the abuse thrown at me by other people. It hurts me so much be told you can’t because you are stupid.

Download | Duration: 00:05:43

Had an escape day yesterday, spend most the day reading Toys by James Patterson. This isn’t why I writing this blog. I was hoping after taking my mind off things it will help me have a clearer understanding on what I need to do. I am have to face many changes within my life at the moment with the welfare system all changing it really is effecting me, to be honest I am scared.

So, where am I now?  I have always wanted to work and thought that I would work. I never really gave it a second thought. I knew many people with my form of Cerebral Palsy didn’t work. If it became too much for me I could get help from the government to support myself. My real problem is first I have to get other people to accept just how disabled I am before anyone will help me. All my life I have hidden my disability from public view. I am not proud of the things I can’t do, I really hate asking for help. This fear of asking is something I fear because growing up I was always turned down for help. It takes so much courage for me to ask for help as I have to admit that I have a problem in the first place. It doesn’t take much for people to knock that confidence, and then I will go running away and start again. I have done this 3 times in my life so far. Starting again from square one is not always the best option but I find that I am able to show people just what I can do without them judging me for the weaknesses I have.

Having to prove myself to everyone if this is work or at home is not easy for me but the moment people see any weakness that I can’t do something they use it against me. I have seen this so many times in my life. They say it’s because they care about me and don’t want me doing stuff that is hard for me. Rather than support me to do whatever it is that I want to do, they will trample all over me to achieve what I can’t to make themselves look good. You know what they say “the strongest will survive”  I would like to  think I am a strong person, I am most of the time apart from when it comes to my disability. I spend so much energy to stop it controlling me and taking over my life I don’t have the strength to fight anyone else attacking it either.

Quite often in my job as a social care worker we talk about empowerment of our service users. It’s a statement I believe in very strongly. The problem is no one is empowering me to do it. The government have said they would like more disabled people to work but just where is that support?  I went to Citizens advice Bureau yesterday to see just what help I could get. The man there was just totally lost on just what my position was and couldn’t understand why a person as disabled as myself was being put in a position to work within a job that it seems from the outside that I am clearly unable to do. The last few weeks I have been asked the same questions these are those questions.

 

1)      Why are you no longer using your wheelchair?

My employer will not allow me to use a wheelchair within my job, they believe the job would be impossible to do from a wheelchair.  Without additional support that would be unreasonable they would not allow me to try.

1.1)  Do you think your job is possible to do from a wheelchair?

No, this is why when I applied for the job I didn’t tell them I was a wheelchair user, I found by staying in my wheelchair when things are not accessible it just makes my job 1000 times harder.

 

2)      What was the reason for you applying for a job knowing you couldn’t use a wheelchair.

At first I didn’t think the job would be so hard and so much walking, I told work about my mobility issues and they knew I had cerebral palsy and used walking sticks. They didn’t see it being a problem. They only had a problem with me walking once they found out that I had been in a wheelchair before.

3)      If you have decided not to use your wheelchair what do you expect to happen next?

I was hoping to get a flat that was more accessible to me but the local council told me they couldn’t help and to go away and rent privately. If I could have used my wheelchair at home it would have taken the strain of me. I wasn’t expecting the job to require so much walking

4)      What stopped you applying for jobs that where more accessible to you?

I wanted too, but if I mentioned in an application form all my impairments I never got an interview. Sometimes I don’t know if I can do the job unless I try, employers where not giving me a chance to prove myself, I even had offered to work voluntary.

I don’t see my disability as a problem. I know from the outside it looks like I am causing myself harm and maybe I am. There isn’t much choice for disabled people out there. I would be happy to work as volunteer as different rules apply to volunteers. Until employers stop seeing disabled people at what we can’t do and see just what benefit I can bring to them, we stand very little chance of achieving anything. Just because my income is coming from a benefit system it doesn’t mean I am lazy and sit at home doing nothing. Not that I have ever been allowed to claim any benefit apart from DLA unless I have a full time job.

The way I see it I only have two choices.

1)      Work within a job my employer doesn’t respect me or think I can do the job

2)      Leave the UK

Download | Duration: 00:10:21

I must stop writing blogs and not posting them, the problem  I have is a write these as I think in my head and when it comes to reading it back to myself they don’t make any sense. I then have to spend the next 3 hours re-correcting my spellings and grammar.  Another problem I have is keeping on topic, so for this blog I going to be very specific.  The topic will be my ability to work.

Growing up I never questioned whether or not I would get a full time job. It went without saying that I would. I maybe disabled by there is no reason why I shouldn’t work, it’s something I always believed in. at school I always wanted to be an electrician. I love electronics and had a good understanding of how it all worked. I did a two week work experience with a Firm in Godalming surrey and really loved it. The electricians all said I worked really  hard. I know then this was the job I wanted to do. I remember working with one guy who drove a Toyota Supra 3.0i and I said to myself, wow! that’s the car I want when I get older. The money as an electrician is good and I really enjoyed it. Being disabled presented its difficulties my hand coordination was pants and I used to dribble a lot then also. Concerns for everyone else apart from me I know water and electrics don’t mix but from an early age I have had enough electric shocks they didn’t bother me. Having this disregard for my own health and safety has been a problem with my employment from the word go. I would never put anyone else in danger but my own safety is something which I have learnt over the years that I need just that little more extra caution around me and I be fine.

It did turn out that employers found my mobility and dribbling around electronics a problem and after completing my certification and doing another 3 month work experience placement for a company in Carshaltion it was felt by the college I was at and the companies that maybe I wouldn’t be safe doing these jobs. Not that I ever had an accident mind you, just they didn’t want to take the risks I was taking. Realising this I knew I had to find a job that I was able to do where no one would be watching me therefore I could take these risks without anyone knowing. Lucky for me my uncle knew of my abilities and offered me a job working for a massive national computer network company.  I worked there for 8 years and really enjoyed it. Times where hard and I was constantly trying to prove myself to the other engineers that I could do stuff. There was never any question I had the knowledge but my ability and safety to do the job was under question a lot. Most times I was able to put these questions to one side. Sometimes they were just plain silly. I had a number of complaints from customers who said they thought I was stupid because of the way I looked and spoke but on a whole the company where very supportive. Things got a little worse when my uncle left, some bosses I had where better than others but I always had backing of the other engineers. Sadly for me the company went bust leaving me redundant.

Up to this point I never questioned my disability I knew there were things I found difficult but on a whole I just wanted to be treated like everyone else. I was finding getting another job hard. I did a course in social care and found a job working with deaf people with learning disabilities. I was finding this even harder than I was working with electronics and had to leave after 3 years.  Coming to terms people where not giving me a job because I was disabled is something I found hard to deal with. After all everyone was finding it hard to get a job. The fact I was disabled was and should never be a reason for an employer not to give me a chance.

Facing these facts was brought home to me when I attended Portland College for the disabled. There were much more able and just as clever students there who couldn’t get work, so what chance did I have?  One lesson I did learn at Portland College is being allow to disregard my own health and safety was not a clever thing to do, the college had no regard for my safety. With my eagerness to prove myself I had a number of accidents putting myself in hospital a few times and in a wheelchair for over a year. Realizing that I really was disabled now I had for the first time in my life had to claim benefits and applied to get disability living allowance, to my shock I was turned down. In the meantime I lost my flat because I couldn’t pay my mortgage.

It took me a long time to get my confidence back. I felt worthless and I had no job no home to go back to when I finished my college course. Just when I thought there was no way out the college offered me a job as a Learning support assistant. I was over the moon! I knew I could achieve more but it was a start. I found myself a new career in teaching.  I went on to do my teacher training and got fantastic support from West Nottingham College to obtain my qualification. Bloody Awesome, I was thinking, I done it!  Portland College helped me achieve my English and maths exams I was well on the road to becoming something worth living for. I replied for Disability Living allowance and tax credits and achieved them. There was just one drawback was my job was funded by the DWP to help disabled people get back into work. The government decided that residential colleges like Portland were not working therefore cut funding to the college and my job was made redundant. A BIG bollocks springs to mind! What was I going to do?  I tried a number of jobs around the college without much luck. My deafness was proving too much of a problem and I didn’t have the right communication aids to help me communicate with the other students.  

My confidence was plummeting rapidly my relationship with my girlfriend was at breaking point. I needed to find another job and fast. Thinking that this would give me the chance to move closer to my girlfriend in Worcester I apply to every school and council within Worcestershire. Every time I was facing the same barriers if I said I was a wheelchair user companies wouldn’t give me an interview and if I didn’t tell them there would be concerns for my health and safety.  I was just ready to give up. My Girlfriend had left me because I couldn’t move to Worcester and I ended up having to move back to my parents in Sussex. Talk about hit rock bottom!

I found a company which I have had contact with before when I used to work with adults who are deaf and having learning difficulties. They had a job for a life skills advisor. I went for an interview they were pleased with  my knowledge on deaf issues but felt that I was lacking experience and had concerns over my health so only offered me a job as a life skills assistant. Things were going ok at first. I found communication hard as no one was telling me anything and just expected me to know how things worked there. Things didn’t really become a problem until someone found out that I spent most my working time in a wheelchair within my old job. Questions were asked why I didn’t tell them in the interview and I was dismissed on the grounds of health and safety. A medical was done again and my hours reduced from 37 and half to 22 and half hours a week and was allowed to return back to work This affected me both mentally and financially. I felt the company have lost all confidence in my ability to do the job and now are questioning everything I do. I have gone back to square one again. I know I can do the job and when I am left alone I do the job well.  I have been suspended again on the grounds that my mental state is getting worse and they are having concerns I am not taking my health and safety seriously. What is so bloody frustrating for me is that I am going to have accidents I can’t help it. We all take risks. I accept those risks as the benefits I can give back to my employer is worth it. Rather than just say no to me it would be nice if they just allowed me to get on and make my own adjustments.  I am pretty sure I going to lose this job the same happen when I worked within social care before. Another thing which is frustrating is they keep telling me they are not like other companies and support people with disabilities into work. I only have one word to say to that Bollocks!

This is the second time I have tried to work within social care and failed. I know I have the knowledge as for the first few months working within this company they didn’t have a problem it was only when they found out I was a wheelchair user they had concerns. I have been suspend now for nearly two months now on sick leave which I think is wrong as I am not sick I am disabled . I only wanted two days off to get over a personal disappointment and its left me jobless. I am looking around for work with computers again but I am not holding out much hope. My worry is how much of my disability do I tell future employers? Too much and they say no. not enough and they find out later and I end up in the same mess I am in now. What is really wrong is I have no wish to put my health and safety at risk. The risks I take may look worse than others but I know my own limits and have learnt my lesson not too push myself beyond those limits. All I ask is I have a job that is flexible enough to allow me adjust those limits on a daily or even hourly basis.

One thing I have recognised is that by doing a voluntary job the adjustments are possible I probably work harder within my voluntary jobs and do more because I am allowed to make these adjustments whereas paid employment doesn’t allow this.

Well, that week has just flown pass. I find myself going back to
england in the morning. Am getting the last chance to sit out in the
sun by the pool drinking coke and ice. It's been a lovely 30c today
which I think is about 82f. I think if it was for the fact that my
medication runs out on Saturday I would have stayed longer. The plan
was only to stay a week. The risk of me having to return to work next
week and me being outin Portugal was just too high, I just couldn't
risk it.

It's been really nice out here and I wonder if I didn't have to spend
£250 a month on the caravan I could come out more. After all the
weather is much better here in the Algarve than it is in bognor regis.
Maybe if I don't save up enough for the caravan next year I will just
have to give up on it and spend long weekends here in Portugal.

The frustrating thing is I am so much healthier out here than england
I haven't had to use my walking sticks for 2 days and being able to
swim in the pool each day is just so nice. I guess this is what
holidays are all about and I know I needed to get away from the
hassles of not being allowed to return to work. What has been nice is
I haven't thought about it once since I been over here. I still not
sleeping well at night but on a whole I am feeling much better than I
felt this time last week.

Have never done a blog entry via an IPad before neither have I done
one sat next to a pool in what I would call paradise. I am currently
spending some time away from work and homes, spending it with my best
mate from Portland college Kevin in the Algarve in Portugal. This was
a very last minute decision for me as I didn't know if I needed to
return to work or not. After hearing nothing on monday night I thought
to myself sod it, I'm going. Not knowing when the best time to return
I've booked a one way ticket. I would be nice to know how long this is
going to last but I am just enjoying the sunshine while it lasts.

It would be very nice to live out here all the time. I know Kevin
would support me with the process but I don't think I got the bottle
to do something which is a mad as leaving the UK. I think if I was to
move anywhere it would be America or Oz. This would be just because
off my computer skills I think opportunities in both those countries
would be better. It seems specially here in the Algarve people in
generally don't have much money unless you live in the very posh
villas.

I think it's important to have a place to come and relax and chill out
Portugal does this for me. I would love to had that chill out factor
at the caravan but I am always trying to fix something there or pay a
bill, the place just costs me so much I could come out to portugal
once a month for the same cost it takes to run the caravan. Most the
time I spend just reading here, I would love to come here to write my
book it's so quiet and peaceful it would be prefect to sit here on a
lovely MacBook Pro. iPad has been nice to use out here but not sure I
would want to write a whole book on one.